things that weren't done right, part 1

The part of me that is still addicted to wedding blogs is a little irritated that I did this all wrong.  By "this" I mean, the photos.  We did not do engagement photos, both out of just putting it off until it was too late and also because I just don't like the idea of them.  I was really terrible at "being engaged" and felt super self-conscious and was convinced that engagement photos would just expose me for the faker that I was.  We had our photographer come to the rehearsal and take a few shots during cocktail hour at rehearsal dinner instead.

But then I also fucked up the "getting ready pictures" because our official photographer did not come over to do those.  Initially I was a little miffed, but once I was getting ready at my dad's apartment with my maid-of-honor and my sister and my horrible, nervous stomach cramps and the unlady-like belching fits - well, at that point I was relieved that the only person there with a camera was my best friend from high school (who brought her Holga).  I haven't seen her pictures, but I felt much better about her being there than feeling obligated to look pretty for someone else.  Admittedly, our photographer is a friend but not so good a friend that I wouldn't feel camera shy in my mom's bathrobe while my maid-of-honor tried to burp me like a fucking baby.  These would not have been elegant photographs.

So we met our photographer at the venue - except that when I showed up at the venue I was surrounded by the paparazzi family members who we'd asked not to be there.  I was pissed but kept smiling.  My maid-of-honor shielded me from a lot of it - rather, she distracted me enough that I couldn't dwell on all the people staring at me before I'd even gotten a chance to see my fiance.

We didn't have time to do hipster photos of the bridal party or fancy shots of our rings.  I got a few family pictures.  There was no private time for a first look, just me and H.  We were surrounded by family members with their damn digital cameras in our faces who didn't seem to understand that I was about to hyperventilate and go bridezilla on their asses.  H was running around trying to wrap up last minute details and saying hello to people and he sat next to me on a chair and there was no special moment.  No tearful photos.  I insisted on getting one large family photograph over with so that I could run out of the courtyard before I snapped - the groomsmen could take their photos after I was gone.  But I really, really needed to be gone.

There is, quite likely, videographic proof that while I waited to walk down the aisle in the art gallery next door I was cursing like a sailor, belching like a frat boy, hiking up my skirts, and exposing my sweaty armpits to the air conditioning vent.  Babs, my maid-of-honor, always helps keep me classy.  I may or may not have attempted to the do the stanky leg.  I swallowed a glass of white wine like it was water.  We checked the score of the LSU v. Florida game on my father's phone.  I managed to calm down.

The rest was gravy.

best wedding evar?

How do I sum up a wedding?  My wedding even. 

Exhibit A: my maid-of-honor dancing with our officiant.

 

More to come.

hey there, stranger...

I think I've purposefully avoided wedding blogging since the spring because I realized that wedding planning, for the most part, just stresses me out and feel bad about myself.  There is some fun stuff.  Like when I get to make flowers or sew frilly stuff onto umbrellas.  I like the part where I geek out with my mom and my bridesmaids about crafty projects.

It's taken me a long time to get to a point where I'm looking forward to the wedding.  Not the getting married part - I've been ready to get that part done forEVER.   But all the stuff surrounding the wedding.  So yeah, I think I'm excited.  Ready to get hitched and throw this party.  I've accepted that it is not and will never be what I thought it was going to be.  The wedding has only ever been marginally within my control if it ever was at all.  And that makes me a little sad at the same time that I'm content to just let things run their course.

But the stress is kicking in.  For the most part, with some occasional battles, I haven't stressed out too much about planning.  My emotions have been high about so much outside of the wedding that it's actually a little disconcerting to suddenly realize that the wedding is now my main cause of drama and sleeplessness.  And crying.  So much crying.

In the last few weeks, I feel like the reality is finally setting in and it is mixed at best.  I feel like all the things that I get excited about are tinged with just as many things that make me sad when I'm supposed to be happy and bridal.

Let's start with some good stuff, like the fact that I got a ring.  Yay, ring!  After spending several months accepting that a ring was not in the cards, I finally got A to go wedding ring shopping.  Long story short, after some discussion, I got a ring.  An awesome antique filigree ring which I love.

My bouquets: they don't look quite like I expected but they are fucking fabulous.  And they are done (except for mine, which is almost done).  Also, the paper flowers for the decoration and tables have been a ton of work but they look really great and I'm happy with the way everything is turning out.  I've also got a bunch of awesome second line umbrellas.

We've got a great band for the reception.  We've got great friends who are officiating, baking, playing cello, coming early to help us set up the venue, and keeping me from losing my mind.

Hell, maybe I just needed to list all the good stuff to make the shitty stuff feel less important.  So maybe this blog is finally serving a purpose.  I almost don't even want to talk about the shitty stuff.

Maybe I'll save that for later.  I'm in kind of a good mood for the first time all day and I don't wanna fuck it up.

we are so screwed

I've written several blog posts during my silence but never posted them due to being too busy.  The following sentence, however, should clarify just how things are going right now:

We are 4 months away from the wedding and we don't have save-the-dates or invitations - not even designed a little bit.

Excuse me while I freak out.

oh, the injustice.

Dear Kate Middleton,

Thanks for getting married AFTER I bought my wedding dress.  I was looking for your dress a year ago and was hard pressed to find anything but strapless + a lace jacket (not the same at all).  I hope all other brides who really wanted a dress with sleeves will benefit from your choice.

<3, Em

Dear Bridal Gown Industry,

I love my dress.  But you still suck.

<3, Em

If only I'd waited to get married just one more year....I could've caught the Will & Kate wedding wave and had the dress I was looking for all along.

negotiating skillz - i have 'em

Asking for $1000 cut to catering proposal?  No problem.

 

I have a tradition of wimpiness when it comes to asking people to do things for me or negotiating price.  Thankfully I have Lt. Col. Madre for a role model.  Also, I'd like to thank 5 years of roller derby for turning me into less of a wuss.  Madre took the reigns with the venue - she knew what she wanted and was much more intimidating than me.  Thankfully, things appear simpler with the catering situation and all I had to do was be straight forward about our budget.

 

Could we afford $48/head in catering?  Yeah, probably.  Considering how much traditional wedding fluff we are not going to have elsewhere and also considering the discount on liquor that my mother managed from the venue.  But Madre wants cheaper and if I can save her money then I will.  So when we met with the sales rep for our leading caterer contender today I told her straight up that my main concern was the budget and her proaposal was too high.  She didn't even flinch and was happy to make a new proposal for us that I believe will save us about $1000 from the original quote.  Woot!

 

Like I said, in the past I have been afraid to ask about things like that.  Just pay what people ask or don't and then move on.  But this was relatively painless and H was there to be moral support.  And I think Madre will be happier with the numbers.

 

Maybe now we can convince her to spend a little more on cake...

things in lists and a cake

Things I have been procrastinating on:

• the catering
• the hotel block
• the guest addresses

Things that I have been preoccupied with:

• vintage yellow necklaces
• paper or fabric flowers
• cake
• making sure all the bridesmaids can get a dress in their size

And just when I was despairing that no wedding cake could possibly be awesome enough or really embrace what I want in my wedding and, therefore, my wedding cake.  But then I found that my google-fu is most excellent because I found this looker of a cake.  The colors are perfect and the base fondant and the flowers look like fabric and buttons (which my super badass bridesmaid and I were just discussing).  It's modern and it's pretty but it's not frilly and super girly.

I'm in cake love.

That said, H the Designer is still in creative design mode and I have no idea what's going on inside his brain which is driving me NUTS.  So I've spent most of my time trying really hard not to be a nag about save-the-dates.  I've been promised that they will be designed, printed, and sent by the end of the month.

In the meantime, I'm going to just drool over cake pron.

liar, liar pants on fire

I'll confess:

Now that I'm in the market for a wedding ring I find myself leaning towards sparklier items.  Because I think it does actually bother me that I didn't get an engagement ring.  I thought I was more feminist or less materialistic than that, but it turns out that I like sparkly things.  And I don't actually know any people who didn't get and engagement ring.  And I keep thinking back to the one time we went ring shopping and I had that marquise cut on my finger and it made me giddy for no good reason.  It was still way too much cash to spend and I'm glad that I don't have that but I do find myself mourning the idea of the engagement ring.

So I'm trying to make up for it in a wedding ring.  Nothing crazy expensive, I promise.  But still sparkly.  I wouldn't mind vintage.  H had considerably more modern tastes.

What can I say?  The traditional Taurus-type in me wants to fit in and my Leo-rising wants to be a little eye-catching.

So, yeah - I'm a big, fat liar face.

in which she blogs as avoidance tactic

Have I mentioned how in love I am with Princess Lasertron and how much I wish that I had several hundred dollars in my budget for a bouquet from her?  I'll be settling for some version of paper or fabric flowers that I figure out on my own (thanks, internets) but I'll be drooling over everything on her site in the meantime.

Since the crazy wedding planning week/end of insanity that was last week, I've been dragging my feet on wedding things.  We ate cake and discussed designs but I know that what we want is out of our budget so we will have to make some adjustments.  The cake was super incredibly tasty, however, a fondant-decorated cake from our baker of choice is $6/slice and for 125 people that puts us over the $500ish that my mother has accepted as, well, acceptable.

Also, my mother (and me and everyone else) may have to accept that doing a second line around the Quarter post-ceremony may be prohibitively expensive.  Preliminary research says that the permit is $200 to go six blocks (that's the max) but it's the band that may cost too much for just a short period.  I don't think that Madre has a concept of the numbers that I was hearing this week and even though H and I figured we could handle the permit, we cannot take on the cost of the brass band (even an truncated version thereof).  So we'll see how that goes.

Really, all I wanted to do was talk about how much I DO NOT want to talk to caterers and deal with that mess.  Bleh.

so much wedding, so little time

Wedding planning paused briefly in the lead-up to meeting with the owner and hashing out the details last Friday.  Until then, the most that H and I had decided was that our colors would be yellow and blue (because our house is bright yellow with navy blue and cream trim).  Settled.  Done.  H's insistence on picking a clear theme has been harder ("Can't we just have Nerd-tastically Awesome as a theme?" "No.")

 

Anyway, we went to the venue on Friday to see if we could negotiate them down on catering prices (no) and see about having a beer & wine only bar (no).  I was starting to get nervous that this was all going to fall apart (or simply was becoming a helluva lot more work) especially when two Saturdays in October opened up and my mother insisted on getting a Saturday even if it meant moving the wedding up 4 to 6 weeks.  This is good, but also scary.  Both possible October dates are one week after a derby bout for me.  The one we wanted (the 22nd) is the week following my league's last home bout of the season.  The other date (the 8th) is the week following WFTDA South Central Regionals which my team fully intends on being a part of.  No one else seemed as concerned as me about the timing of this (although H did joke a little about whether I would be okay with being on crutches going down the aisle if something happened at Regionals - not funny - and the answer is, of course this would make me the fuckin' bad-assest bride EVAR!).

 

So rather than going back to work after our meeting, I headed home and started calling caterers since the venue's was way overpriced.  My mom went home to crunch numbers.  The good news is that, even though the venue's coordinator had insisted that she could not negotiate on the bar, she called me later and said that Mr. Owner had approved a reduced price on the bar.  The extra good news is that is got even better as the date we wanted fell through and we ended up getting October 8th.  Apparently, my mother's intimidating frugality has totally paid off.

 

(Side note: when the coordinator confessed to H that Madre scares her, he was kind enough to reassure her that my mother scares everybody, even him.  20 years of military service will do that.)

 

A week ago, this gig was trying to eat up about 80% of my budget.  NO JOKE.  But thanks to having a scary mother (thanks, Mom!), our bar price went from $32.50/person (not including tax and tip) to $25/person (including tax and tip! - and I get the local beer that I want).  We did reduce from a 4 hour reception to a 3 hour (making the rental fee $4500 - a price that still makes me want to die) with a half hour ceremony.  The caterers are coming in to start at about $48/person (including everything) but I'm sure we can get that down by removing some unecessary fanciness.  So we are getting much closer to a reception number that is more like half the budget which leaves us decent money for a good band and the cake.

 

There are still plenty of details that H and I are paying for, though, so I'm hoping I can put my mom in under budget which will make her way super happy.

 

On other wedding fronts, the same weekend we were negotiating with the venue H and I went around the French Quarter with his mother to look at restaurants for the rehearsal dinner.  This is a part of the wedding I could give a crap less about.  I mean, I want everybody to get together and give speeches and have some good food but I don't care where it is or that it be fancy or whatever.  This is the In-Laws' deal and whatever makes them happy makes me happy.  It will probably be Old New Orleans Fancy - which is fine.  We're not fancy but we are New Orleansy.

 

The other To Do accomplished was picking the bridesmaids dresses.  I am in love with them and wish that I could wear them.  I had talked before about letting my girls pick whatever dress they wanted from my favorite dress shop, Trashy Diva.  But H didn't want mismatched or black and I wasn't sure that anything other than black would work for what I thought I wanted.  Once we'd decided on the yellow and blue color scheme, however, TD dresses made perfect sense.  They have a perfect navy/cobalt blue fabric in several vintage styles (yay, vintage!).  We helped my SiL pick hers out on Saturday and my sister, Mo, picked a similar one that she likes so we jsut have to confirm her size.  My Right-hand Bridesmaid of Awesomeness and derby team-mate was also super happy when I told her that she now had an excuse to buy a Trashy Diva dress.  Still have to figure out how to get Babs to try one on, but we have time. 

 

Trying to pick a dress that they could all wear and then deal with ordering and fitting was not a task that I was looking forward to so I'm extra happy that I don't have to do much more than tell them to pick one and buy it.  My MiL insists that they should all have matching shoes but I don't want to deal with those logistics either.  My plan is to get them each something yellow to accent the dress and bring it all together (also, I kind of want them to have parasols instead of bouquets - but then I don't get to make them super-awesome personalized bouquets).

 

Current list of Wedding To Dos:

• meet with baker for tasting (today!)
• price out and pick a caterer
• meet with venue coordinator to sign contract and give her the deposit
• pester H about designing save-the-dates
• pester H about get band quotes to Madre & Padre
• schedule the next 6 months down to the minute because there is a lot of wedding and roller derby to get done
• try to ditch this week-old stress headache
• Don't Panic.

 

a word about Fat Tuesday

For those of you who do not live in or near New Orleans, you may not be aware of the madness that begins to take over the city in January after Twelfth Night (hey, isn't that a Shakespeare play?).  For me, it's difficult to imagine going back to a world where folks don't celebrate Mardi Gras.  Life without Mardi Gras, after all, would be just plain boring.  No King Cake, no cheap plastic beads, no parades for two weeks straight, no excuse to start getting boozed up on Friday night and stay that way well into the following Tuesday.  Mardi Gras Day is one of the few times in a year where it is acceptable to start drinking at breakfast (screwdrivers make for excellent MG breakfast food) and continue to imbibe until you simply can't walk another step to another bar (because your feet are tired, not because you're too drunk - okay, maybe because you're too drunk). 

Mardi Gras, however, is also one of those times in the year where I spend a lot of time reflecting back (to previous Mardi Gras days, to friends long gone, etc).  For myself and some other New Orleanians, Mardi Gras is the unofficial new year - it is how we measure how the time passes from year to year.  The cycle of life in New Orleans really seems to revolve around Mardi Gras.  It's the ultimate party, the ultimate celebration of everything.  It's the end of a period of festivities that starts around October and Halloween (which is just a rehearsal for Mardi Gras, really) and it is the beginning of the period that kicks off Jazz Fest season.  It is a marathon of celebrating and remembering.

So even though January 1st is our technical New Year, Mardi Gras is my personal New Year.  And I'm hoping that this one goes more smoothly than the last.

Last year, as you may know, The Saints (otherwise known as the only football team I will ever love) WON THE FRICKIN SUPERBOWL.  New Orleanians continue to reflect back on this proudly as our symbol of success, validation, and civic pride.  Because that happened so close to Mardi Gras, there was an enormous parade thrown for the team (starring the team) in addition to all the regularly scheduled Mardi Gras parades we have every year (there are A LOT).  Mardi Gras was dubbed Lombardi Gras.  And it was good.  It was fan-fucking-tastic even as everyone reveled in their black and gold and shared the love (in a place where there can be so much animosity and in-fighting).  H and I got engaged and we enjoyed it for a time.

A short time.  When I count out all the shit that went terribly, terribly wrong last year it is completely mind-boggling to me that I've come out the other side with my sanity (somewhat) intact.  I won't bore you with the details (but let's just say that unemployment was only the tip of the iceberg).  I'm really shocked that H still wants to hang out with me - I think we're getting a good dose of our "for worses" in early.  Time for some "for betters," please.

So, with a renewed wedding optimism I've resubscribed to some wedding blog feeds (just a few) and I've started contacting vendors again and thinking about realistic wedding prettiness.  This is all so much less daunting now that I have a budget number - I have guidelines.  I highly recommend knowing your budget number before you EVER look at a blog or a magazine.  It was way too stressful for me to work with unknowns but maybe that's just the Taurus in me.  But now the brainstorming has begun in earnest.  H even bought me a copy of the DIY Bride the other day ('cause he's awesome).

And I will totally start working on crafty wedding projects...just as soon as I've made my Mardi Gras costume and partied my butt off with all the people who are in town for the occasion.

City weddings ain't cheap

After several months of thinking evil thoughts about those happy couples whose parents pay for a $20,000+ wedding or who have the money themselves to fund such an event, I've become one.  Just a few days ago, I was trying figure out how much H and I could save between now and October for a wedding.  And then I was thinking that if we saved that much money we should not throw a wedding and use it for something we really need (like fixing the duct work in the Haus or new insulation or painting or refinishing the stairs or renovating the bathroom or fixing the roof).  I was honestly starting to talk myself into selling my wedding dress and forgetting the whole damn thing.  It was disappointing to think about missing out on the wedding love fest for monetary reasons but I also couldn't reconcile our financial future with a one-day party.  I don't know if that swayed my parents at all, but I hope so because I learned from them.

Having my parents foot the majority of the bill doesn't make the huge cost of a New Orleans wedding any less, nor did I ever feel entitled to such a wedding.  It's what I want but we all know you can't always get what you want so you better learn to like what you've got.  So I feel really lucky right now. 

Let's be clear that my parents are not just going to open the check book and give me whatever I want.  That's cool.  This is fine.  It was stressful not to have any sort of direction but now that I can see what they are willing to do, the rest is chump change in comparison.  H and I (mostly H because I'm still a broke-ass) will probably still cover photography, invitations, and cake (which H's sister may bake...?).  The venue, booze, and catering appear to be on the 'rents' tab because it's all wrapped up in one vendor.  I suspect (based on my dad being a NOLA music fiend) that they will also be willing to cover a band but we'll get there when we get there.  I don't want flowers so I don't need a florist (and besides that, my mother and her her garden club already have been making plans without me).  The venue needs little to no decoration and whatever we do can be done over time and DIY.  The dress is already done.  We have a lot of favors that we can call in and a lot of friends who have already offered.  Our personal expenses can be kept reasonable and I will not worry about choosing between our wedding and a home repair (90-year-old houses constantly need repairs).  So the budget negotiations are still on and I don't think any of us are interested in spending money on extraneous stuff.

Let's be realistic, people: in the city $20,000 is a "budget" wedding even though the number looks enormous to me who's barely making much more than that in a year right now.  A year ago $20,000 seemed outrageous.  In some ways it still is.  But it's not much to work with if you want to have even a small wedding (and in New Orleans, 100 people is small).  Just suck it up and accept it.  And yes, I have to have at least 100 people because we have that much close family and good friends and I couldn't live with the guilt of not inviting some of them.  It's all or nothing.  I am thankful that I get a wedding under the circumstances.  But after all the research I did, I am no longer under the illusion that I can make a wedding happen for less.  Some people can, maybe, but that's not me.  It sucks but it's reality.

On a side note, I think that this weekend was the first time that I actually felt engaged for real.  Not just playing but really engaged with a wedding at the end.

Folks, I think we have a wedding (I think)

It would appear that my father has tipped the wedding scales.

Wait.  Let me go back.

Remember back in October when my mother was telling me to call a certain wedding venue?  And I put it off.  I almost deleted the lady's number from my phone but I didn't.  And my mother persisted that we should call the place and go look at it.  With our self-imposed wedding deadline of Fall 2011, I started to cave in to the pressure if only to appease my mother and prove that this venue was going to be out of the (questionable) budget.  And since Madre was in town this weekend to help Padre move into his new apartment, I scheduled a look-see yesterday afternoon with the family.

It's fucking gorgeous.  French-Quartery without being obscenely opulent.  A beautiful courtyard centered around a giant old magnolia tree and a great upstairs space overlooking Royal Street.  I immediately know that we cannot afford this.  I smile and nod and I start to freak out on the inside because I really don't want to go through this shit again.  I cannot handle another wedding let down.  Just let me accept my frugal lifestyle and walk my ass to the courthouse without getting my hopes up.  I managed not to cry and start screaming at anyone (lately, that is a real accomplishment).

Meanwhile, my mother is talking about how perfect it is and my father is doing this thing that he does when his mind is made up but he doesn't want to show his hand.  He just chills.  After last year's budget meltdowns, my father keeps shrugging non-committally and talking about how all we really need to do now is set a date.  The venue's coordinator and my mother are discussing how to decorate the fireplace mantels and where to put the band and all I can think about is who the fuck is paying for this imaginary shindig and where the hell is my stiff drink?  If I'd known they were so set on this place I would've put myself out of my misery months ago.

We walk out of this place like it's a done deal.  We go back to Padre's apartment and I have three vodka tonics for lunch while we start crunching numbers around the patio table and my parents appear to commit to a wedding that is at least twice as much as my mother even wanted to contemplate a year ago.  To paraphrase my father: Let's just get this thing done.  But I knew the deal was sealed when my father said to me privately that I should not worry too much about Madre's number crunching.

That's what we were waiting for: Dad.  I suspected that his word would be the final word, that he wanted a New Orleans wedding, that he would step in when he liked something enough to say so and make it happen.  But then he didn't.  After all the drama of the Aborted Wedding Plans, Padre never intervened so I thought then that it was over.  That was it.  But yesterday he made clear that he wants this wedding at this place and let's just stop stressing out about it already.  Just do it.

It took a fucking year of being engaged and I don't know what changed between then and now, but my parents seem to have come around to the truth that I accepted months ago: if you want a wedding in New Orleans you've got to be willing to shell out at least $20,000 or else you might as well elope and save yourself the stress.  I'd accepted that I couldn't make that happen (okay...maybe I was still in mourning) but the 'rents must've been working some background negotiations that I was not party to (they do that - they're private folks even with me).  Because now we're booking a venue.

All this is to say: THIS WEDDING IS ON.

Finally.

The dress. I has it.

Or at least, it is hanging in my mother's closet because I don't actually have space to store it.  But it is no longer at the store and the bustle (after two trips to the shop in one day) is finally done and looks the way I want it to look.

Yeah, that's right. I - me, the girl who has not done any wedding planning since spring 2010 - I have completed one item on the wedding checklist.  Woot!

That said, my veil did is not right so I still have to make another trip to P-cola to take care of that.  The veil itself is super awesome it's just that there wasn't quite enough netting to fit my head so that part needs redone.  Which is cool, because that saved me $60 this trip that I didn't really have so I'm cool with being able to spread the spending over time.  On the other hand, every time I go back to P-cola is another time that I have to tell people that I don't have a wedding date and no, mother, I still don't have a ring.  But I'm getting less spazzy about that.

After a moody week leading up to my trip to pick up the dress, I had a big cry about it Thursday night and freaked out at H and stayed up way too late fighting and pouting and then we worked it out and went to bed and I felt okay for the rest of the weekend.  Despite my mother asking if I have a ring yet, despite having talk to people about missing my original wedding date and not having a new one, despite that I was okay.  Because, hey, it is gonna be okay.

At least, after a lot of freaking out at my fiance because any and all things wedding make me hate my life, I was finally convinced that it will be okay.  Because we're going to sit down and hash out our budget.  We have to do this.  Not our wedding budget but our life budget.  Our current system of seat-of-pants flight was making me completely spastic and despondent.  So that is on the to do list this week: fix the system.  Figure out where the money is going.  Once we get the day-to-day figured out and that feels stable then we'll be able to talk wedding again and I would like that to be sooner rather than later.  So we gotta do it.

Ugh.

Adulthood.  It blows sometimes.

But if you were interested in wedding budget type things perhaps you'd be interested in the following tidbits:

• Cost of dress: $800 + tax (half of which my mother picked up)
• Cost of alterations: $55
• Coast of veil: $60 + tax (to be paid)

Current wedding spending total = $915 + tax OR roughly $950.  And all of that has been money spent on me.  In retrospect, I'm a little ashamed of how much I've spent on a dress when the bills are stacked a mile high and H picked up so much slack when I was without a job.  Now that I'm catching up and I'm eyeballing all the financial fixing I've got to do, the spending seems like something of a waste. 

BUT it looks fucking fabulous.  So to hell with the money.

woulda coulda shoulda

Today is the day that we would have gotten married if I hadn't called it off.  I was much sadder and frustrated about this in the week leading up to today than I am now.  I had several people ask me when we were getting married, give me wedding advice, ask to see my ring, etc over the last week and I flipped out a little the other night and cried to H about it.  Yesterday a fellow derby girl of mine got married and I was sad to think that we would've been having our rehearsal dinner.

But today we got up and H made biscuits and eggs and grits for breakfast.  I swept and mopped the floors.  H oiled the porch swing and cleaned the porch banisters.  We scrubbed down the whole kitchen and made it all shiney clean.  Gave the dog a bath (did I mention that we adopted a dog?) and taught the dog to watch and sit.  I did laundry.  We took the pup for a good long walk around the neighborhood.  I did my roller derby cross training exercises.  We might go out for some Vietnamese food in a bit, maybe watch a movie.  Still need to get groceries.  Generally I feel pretty accomplished.

We've devoted more time to just getting our shit together and being more responsible adults.  So that maybe one of these days we'll have the dough to get hitched and throw a party.  But I'm happy to say that I didn't really think about the wedding that wasn't today.  Except that I'm kind of glad that we didn't push forward.  I don't think I would have been able to enjoy it or appreciate it.  I don't think I would have been in a good place.

Next weekend I go to P-cola to pick up my dress and veil.  Not sure how to feel about that.  Will think about that later.

happy fucking new year!

happy new year, interwebs!


H and I have resolved that we will definitely get married in 2011, one way or another.  it will happen.  we pinky swore.