things that weren't done right, part 1

The part of me that is still addicted to wedding blogs is a little irritated that I did this all wrong.  By "this" I mean, the photos.  We did not do engagement photos, both out of just putting it off until it was too late and also because I just don't like the idea of them.  I was really terrible at "being engaged" and felt super self-conscious and was convinced that engagement photos would just expose me for the faker that I was.  We had our photographer come to the rehearsal and take a few shots during cocktail hour at rehearsal dinner instead.

But then I also fucked up the "getting ready pictures" because our official photographer did not come over to do those.  Initially I was a little miffed, but once I was getting ready at my dad's apartment with my maid-of-honor and my sister and my horrible, nervous stomach cramps and the unlady-like belching fits - well, at that point I was relieved that the only person there with a camera was my best friend from high school (who brought her Holga).  I haven't seen her pictures, but I felt much better about her being there than feeling obligated to look pretty for someone else.  Admittedly, our photographer is a friend but not so good a friend that I wouldn't feel camera shy in my mom's bathrobe while my maid-of-honor tried to burp me like a fucking baby.  These would not have been elegant photographs.

So we met our photographer at the venue - except that when I showed up at the venue I was surrounded by the paparazzi family members who we'd asked not to be there.  I was pissed but kept smiling.  My maid-of-honor shielded me from a lot of it - rather, she distracted me enough that I couldn't dwell on all the people staring at me before I'd even gotten a chance to see my fiance.

We didn't have time to do hipster photos of the bridal party or fancy shots of our rings.  I got a few family pictures.  There was no private time for a first look, just me and H.  We were surrounded by family members with their damn digital cameras in our faces who didn't seem to understand that I was about to hyperventilate and go bridezilla on their asses.  H was running around trying to wrap up last minute details and saying hello to people and he sat next to me on a chair and there was no special moment.  No tearful photos.  I insisted on getting one large family photograph over with so that I could run out of the courtyard before I snapped - the groomsmen could take their photos after I was gone.  But I really, really needed to be gone.

There is, quite likely, videographic proof that while I waited to walk down the aisle in the art gallery next door I was cursing like a sailor, belching like a frat boy, hiking up my skirts, and exposing my sweaty armpits to the air conditioning vent.  Babs, my maid-of-honor, always helps keep me classy.  I may or may not have attempted to the do the stanky leg.  I swallowed a glass of white wine like it was water.  We checked the score of the LSU v. Florida game on my father's phone.  I managed to calm down.

The rest was gravy.

best wedding evar?

How do I sum up a wedding?  My wedding even. 

Exhibit A: my maid-of-honor dancing with our officiant.

 

More to come.

hey there, stranger...

I think I've purposefully avoided wedding blogging since the spring because I realized that wedding planning, for the most part, just stresses me out and feel bad about myself.  There is some fun stuff.  Like when I get to make flowers or sew frilly stuff onto umbrellas.  I like the part where I geek out with my mom and my bridesmaids about crafty projects.

It's taken me a long time to get to a point where I'm looking forward to the wedding.  Not the getting married part - I've been ready to get that part done forEVER.   But all the stuff surrounding the wedding.  So yeah, I think I'm excited.  Ready to get hitched and throw this party.  I've accepted that it is not and will never be what I thought it was going to be.  The wedding has only ever been marginally within my control if it ever was at all.  And that makes me a little sad at the same time that I'm content to just let things run their course.

But the stress is kicking in.  For the most part, with some occasional battles, I haven't stressed out too much about planning.  My emotions have been high about so much outside of the wedding that it's actually a little disconcerting to suddenly realize that the wedding is now my main cause of drama and sleeplessness.  And crying.  So much crying.

In the last few weeks, I feel like the reality is finally setting in and it is mixed at best.  I feel like all the things that I get excited about are tinged with just as many things that make me sad when I'm supposed to be happy and bridal.

Let's start with some good stuff, like the fact that I got a ring.  Yay, ring!  After spending several months accepting that a ring was not in the cards, I finally got A to go wedding ring shopping.  Long story short, after some discussion, I got a ring.  An awesome antique filigree ring which I love.

My bouquets: they don't look quite like I expected but they are fucking fabulous.  And they are done (except for mine, which is almost done).  Also, the paper flowers for the decoration and tables have been a ton of work but they look really great and I'm happy with the way everything is turning out.  I've also got a bunch of awesome second line umbrellas.

We've got a great band for the reception.  We've got great friends who are officiating, baking, playing cello, coming early to help us set up the venue, and keeping me from losing my mind.

Hell, maybe I just needed to list all the good stuff to make the shitty stuff feel less important.  So maybe this blog is finally serving a purpose.  I almost don't even want to talk about the shitty stuff.

Maybe I'll save that for later.  I'm in kind of a good mood for the first time all day and I don't wanna fuck it up.

we are so screwed

I've written several blog posts during my silence but never posted them due to being too busy.  The following sentence, however, should clarify just how things are going right now:

We are 4 months away from the wedding and we don't have save-the-dates or invitations - not even designed a little bit.

Excuse me while I freak out.

oh, the injustice.

Dear Kate Middleton,

Thanks for getting married AFTER I bought my wedding dress.  I was looking for your dress a year ago and was hard pressed to find anything but strapless + a lace jacket (not the same at all).  I hope all other brides who really wanted a dress with sleeves will benefit from your choice.

<3, Em

Dear Bridal Gown Industry,

I love my dress.  But you still suck.

<3, Em

If only I'd waited to get married just one more year....I could've caught the Will & Kate wedding wave and had the dress I was looking for all along.