Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Engagement Mistake #1

A part of my challenge here is that I tend to freak out about everything all at once. If I panic about one thing, all other issues are quick to follow until everything is overwhelming and awful and I call it quits. (Hence, no wedding plans.) H likes to call me out on this one when I'm being a stubborn grump ass who hates the world (lately, pretty damn often).

Really, I just need to be able to break things down to a more managable freak-out size, try to focus on what I can really accomplish.

The good news is that I'm starting to feel like I can start talking about the wedding again. I've started reaching out to potential venues here and there to test my comfort zone a little. So far it still feels scary and impossible but I remind myself that this is just research and I'm under no pressure to commit to anything. There are still so many other things going on outside of the engagement that H and I haven't discussed much about potential wedding plans and find that its still too sore when it does come up. So we'll get done getting settled in the Haus (so many boxes!) and working out our personal budget issues and employment issues and home repairs before we take on another financial obligation.

Also, there can be no moving forward on the wedding until the parents have officially met. Okay, the parents have sort of met each other but only briefly and never at a time when they could just hang out. This lack of an official meeting led to a lot (a lot!) of miscommunication and misunderstanding that left me and H in the middle of what felt like an old-fashioned shoot-out. I don't even think my parents think that me getting married is even a good idea anymore so I have to tread extra careful and try and mend things. Also, I'm trying to avoid becoming the super bitch controlling fiancee to H's parents (long story) so there will be compromises just to keep the peace even though it will probably cost us money.

Really, I think that was one of the biggest mistakes going forward. Our family's are very, very different in the way they interact and they have different expectations and both our sets of parents are strong-willed and opinionated. We never gave them a chance to find common ground before we let loose the Wedding Monster and got torn to shreds. I'd really like to know what others' experiences with the family dynamics have been post-engagement. Does this happen to everyone? Does anyone out there have sane family relations during the wedding planning process?

Which leads me to The Mothers - but I'll save that for its own post, wherein I can tell you all about how I effed up my relationship with both my own mom and my future mom-in-law all in one go!

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