I think I've purposefully avoided wedding blogging since the spring because I realized that wedding planning, for the most part, just stresses me out and feel bad about myself. There is some fun stuff. Like when I get to make flowers or sew frilly stuff onto umbrellas. I like the part where I geek out with my mom and my bridesmaids about crafty projects.
It's taken me a long time to get to a point where I'm looking forward to the wedding. Not the getting married part - I've been ready to get that part done forEVER. But all the stuff surrounding the wedding. So yeah, I think I'm excited. Ready to get hitched and throw this party. I've accepted that it is not and will never be what I thought it was going to be. The wedding has only ever been marginally within my control if it ever was at all. And that makes me a little sad at the same time that I'm content to just let things run their course.
But the stress is kicking in. For the most part, with some occasional battles, I haven't stressed out too much about planning. My emotions have been high about so much outside of the wedding that it's actually a little disconcerting to suddenly realize that the wedding is now my main cause of drama and sleeplessness. And crying. So much crying.
In the last few weeks, I feel like the reality is finally setting in and it is mixed at best. I feel like all the things that I get excited about are tinged with just as many things that make me sad when I'm supposed to be happy and bridal.
Let's start with some good stuff, like the fact that I got a ring. Yay, ring! After spending several months accepting that a ring was not in the cards, I finally got A to go wedding ring shopping. Long story short, after some discussion, I got a ring. An awesome antique filigree ring which I love.
My bouquets: they don't look quite like I expected but they are fucking fabulous. And they are done (except for mine, which is almost done). Also, the paper flowers for the decoration and tables have been a ton of work but they look really great and I'm happy with the way everything is turning out. I've also got a bunch of awesome second line umbrellas.
We've got a great band for the reception. We've got great friends who are officiating, baking, playing cello, coming early to help us set up the venue, and keeping me from losing my mind.
Hell, maybe I just needed to list all the good stuff to make the shitty stuff feel less important. So maybe this blog is finally serving a purpose. I almost don't even want to talk about the shitty stuff.
Maybe I'll save that for later. I'm in kind of a good mood for the first time all day and I don't wanna fuck it up.