in which she blogs as avoidance tactic

Have I mentioned how in love I am with Princess Lasertron and how much I wish that I had several hundred dollars in my budget for a bouquet from her?  I'll be settling for some version of paper or fabric flowers that I figure out on my own (thanks, internets) but I'll be drooling over everything on her site in the meantime.

Since the crazy wedding planning week/end of insanity that was last week, I've been dragging my feet on wedding things.  We ate cake and discussed designs but I know that what we want is out of our budget so we will have to make some adjustments.  The cake was super incredibly tasty, however, a fondant-decorated cake from our baker of choice is $6/slice and for 125 people that puts us over the $500ish that my mother has accepted as, well, acceptable.

Also, my mother (and me and everyone else) may have to accept that doing a second line around the Quarter post-ceremony may be prohibitively expensive.  Preliminary research says that the permit is $200 to go six blocks (that's the max) but it's the band that may cost too much for just a short period.  I don't think that Madre has a concept of the numbers that I was hearing this week and even though H and I figured we could handle the permit, we cannot take on the cost of the brass band (even an truncated version thereof).  So we'll see how that goes.

Really, all I wanted to do was talk about how much I DO NOT want to talk to caterers and deal with that mess.  Bleh.

so much wedding, so little time

Wedding planning paused briefly in the lead-up to meeting with the owner and hashing out the details last Friday.  Until then, the most that H and I had decided was that our colors would be yellow and blue (because our house is bright yellow with navy blue and cream trim).  Settled.  Done.  H's insistence on picking a clear theme has been harder ("Can't we just have Nerd-tastically Awesome as a theme?" "No.")

 

Anyway, we went to the venue on Friday to see if we could negotiate them down on catering prices (no) and see about having a beer & wine only bar (no).  I was starting to get nervous that this was all going to fall apart (or simply was becoming a helluva lot more work) especially when two Saturdays in October opened up and my mother insisted on getting a Saturday even if it meant moving the wedding up 4 to 6 weeks.  This is good, but also scary.  Both possible October dates are one week after a derby bout for me.  The one we wanted (the 22nd) is the week following my league's last home bout of the season.  The other date (the 8th) is the week following WFTDA South Central Regionals which my team fully intends on being a part of.  No one else seemed as concerned as me about the timing of this (although H did joke a little about whether I would be okay with being on crutches going down the aisle if something happened at Regionals - not funny - and the answer is, of course this would make me the fuckin' bad-assest bride EVAR!).

 

So rather than going back to work after our meeting, I headed home and started calling caterers since the venue's was way overpriced.  My mom went home to crunch numbers.  The good news is that, even though the venue's coordinator had insisted that she could not negotiate on the bar, she called me later and said that Mr. Owner had approved a reduced price on the bar.  The extra good news is that is got even better as the date we wanted fell through and we ended up getting October 8th.  Apparently, my mother's intimidating frugality has totally paid off.

 

(Side note: when the coordinator confessed to H that Madre scares her, he was kind enough to reassure her that my mother scares everybody, even him.  20 years of military service will do that.)

 

A week ago, this gig was trying to eat up about 80% of my budget.  NO JOKE.  But thanks to having a scary mother (thanks, Mom!), our bar price went from $32.50/person (not including tax and tip) to $25/person (including tax and tip! - and I get the local beer that I want).  We did reduce from a 4 hour reception to a 3 hour (making the rental fee $4500 - a price that still makes me want to die) with a half hour ceremony.  The caterers are coming in to start at about $48/person (including everything) but I'm sure we can get that down by removing some unecessary fanciness.  So we are getting much closer to a reception number that is more like half the budget which leaves us decent money for a good band and the cake.

 

There are still plenty of details that H and I are paying for, though, so I'm hoping I can put my mom in under budget which will make her way super happy.

 

On other wedding fronts, the same weekend we were negotiating with the venue H and I went around the French Quarter with his mother to look at restaurants for the rehearsal dinner.  This is a part of the wedding I could give a crap less about.  I mean, I want everybody to get together and give speeches and have some good food but I don't care where it is or that it be fancy or whatever.  This is the In-Laws' deal and whatever makes them happy makes me happy.  It will probably be Old New Orleans Fancy - which is fine.  We're not fancy but we are New Orleansy.

 

The other To Do accomplished was picking the bridesmaids dresses.  I am in love with them and wish that I could wear them.  I had talked before about letting my girls pick whatever dress they wanted from my favorite dress shop, Trashy Diva.  But H didn't want mismatched or black and I wasn't sure that anything other than black would work for what I thought I wanted.  Once we'd decided on the yellow and blue color scheme, however, TD dresses made perfect sense.  They have a perfect navy/cobalt blue fabric in several vintage styles (yay, vintage!).  We helped my SiL pick hers out on Saturday and my sister, Mo, picked a similar one that she likes so we jsut have to confirm her size.  My Right-hand Bridesmaid of Awesomeness and derby team-mate was also super happy when I told her that she now had an excuse to buy a Trashy Diva dress.  Still have to figure out how to get Babs to try one on, but we have time. 

 

Trying to pick a dress that they could all wear and then deal with ordering and fitting was not a task that I was looking forward to so I'm extra happy that I don't have to do much more than tell them to pick one and buy it.  My MiL insists that they should all have matching shoes but I don't want to deal with those logistics either.  My plan is to get them each something yellow to accent the dress and bring it all together (also, I kind of want them to have parasols instead of bouquets - but then I don't get to make them super-awesome personalized bouquets).

 

Current list of Wedding To Dos:

• meet with baker for tasting (today!)
• price out and pick a caterer
• meet with venue coordinator to sign contract and give her the deposit
• pester H about designing save-the-dates
• pester H about get band quotes to Madre & Padre
• schedule the next 6 months down to the minute because there is a lot of wedding and roller derby to get done
• try to ditch this week-old stress headache
• Don't Panic.

 

a word about Fat Tuesday

For those of you who do not live in or near New Orleans, you may not be aware of the madness that begins to take over the city in January after Twelfth Night (hey, isn't that a Shakespeare play?).  For me, it's difficult to imagine going back to a world where folks don't celebrate Mardi Gras.  Life without Mardi Gras, after all, would be just plain boring.  No King Cake, no cheap plastic beads, no parades for two weeks straight, no excuse to start getting boozed up on Friday night and stay that way well into the following Tuesday.  Mardi Gras Day is one of the few times in a year where it is acceptable to start drinking at breakfast (screwdrivers make for excellent MG breakfast food) and continue to imbibe until you simply can't walk another step to another bar (because your feet are tired, not because you're too drunk - okay, maybe because you're too drunk). 

Mardi Gras, however, is also one of those times in the year where I spend a lot of time reflecting back (to previous Mardi Gras days, to friends long gone, etc).  For myself and some other New Orleanians, Mardi Gras is the unofficial new year - it is how we measure how the time passes from year to year.  The cycle of life in New Orleans really seems to revolve around Mardi Gras.  It's the ultimate party, the ultimate celebration of everything.  It's the end of a period of festivities that starts around October and Halloween (which is just a rehearsal for Mardi Gras, really) and it is the beginning of the period that kicks off Jazz Fest season.  It is a marathon of celebrating and remembering.

So even though January 1st is our technical New Year, Mardi Gras is my personal New Year.  And I'm hoping that this one goes more smoothly than the last.

Last year, as you may know, The Saints (otherwise known as the only football team I will ever love) WON THE FRICKIN SUPERBOWL.  New Orleanians continue to reflect back on this proudly as our symbol of success, validation, and civic pride.  Because that happened so close to Mardi Gras, there was an enormous parade thrown for the team (starring the team) in addition to all the regularly scheduled Mardi Gras parades we have every year (there are A LOT).  Mardi Gras was dubbed Lombardi Gras.  And it was good.  It was fan-fucking-tastic even as everyone reveled in their black and gold and shared the love (in a place where there can be so much animosity and in-fighting).  H and I got engaged and we enjoyed it for a time.

A short time.  When I count out all the shit that went terribly, terribly wrong last year it is completely mind-boggling to me that I've come out the other side with my sanity (somewhat) intact.  I won't bore you with the details (but let's just say that unemployment was only the tip of the iceberg).  I'm really shocked that H still wants to hang out with me - I think we're getting a good dose of our "for worses" in early.  Time for some "for betters," please.

So, with a renewed wedding optimism I've resubscribed to some wedding blog feeds (just a few) and I've started contacting vendors again and thinking about realistic wedding prettiness.  This is all so much less daunting now that I have a budget number - I have guidelines.  I highly recommend knowing your budget number before you EVER look at a blog or a magazine.  It was way too stressful for me to work with unknowns but maybe that's just the Taurus in me.  But now the brainstorming has begun in earnest.  H even bought me a copy of the DIY Bride the other day ('cause he's awesome).

And I will totally start working on crafty wedding projects...just as soon as I've made my Mardi Gras costume and partied my butt off with all the people who are in town for the occasion.

City weddings ain't cheap

After several months of thinking evil thoughts about those happy couples whose parents pay for a $20,000+ wedding or who have the money themselves to fund such an event, I've become one.  Just a few days ago, I was trying figure out how much H and I could save between now and October for a wedding.  And then I was thinking that if we saved that much money we should not throw a wedding and use it for something we really need (like fixing the duct work in the Haus or new insulation or painting or refinishing the stairs or renovating the bathroom or fixing the roof).  I was honestly starting to talk myself into selling my wedding dress and forgetting the whole damn thing.  It was disappointing to think about missing out on the wedding love fest for monetary reasons but I also couldn't reconcile our financial future with a one-day party.  I don't know if that swayed my parents at all, but I hope so because I learned from them.

Having my parents foot the majority of the bill doesn't make the huge cost of a New Orleans wedding any less, nor did I ever feel entitled to such a wedding.  It's what I want but we all know you can't always get what you want so you better learn to like what you've got.  So I feel really lucky right now. 

Let's be clear that my parents are not just going to open the check book and give me whatever I want.  That's cool.  This is fine.  It was stressful not to have any sort of direction but now that I can see what they are willing to do, the rest is chump change in comparison.  H and I (mostly H because I'm still a broke-ass) will probably still cover photography, invitations, and cake (which H's sister may bake...?).  The venue, booze, and catering appear to be on the 'rents' tab because it's all wrapped up in one vendor.  I suspect (based on my dad being a NOLA music fiend) that they will also be willing to cover a band but we'll get there when we get there.  I don't want flowers so I don't need a florist (and besides that, my mother and her her garden club already have been making plans without me).  The venue needs little to no decoration and whatever we do can be done over time and DIY.  The dress is already done.  We have a lot of favors that we can call in and a lot of friends who have already offered.  Our personal expenses can be kept reasonable and I will not worry about choosing between our wedding and a home repair (90-year-old houses constantly need repairs).  So the budget negotiations are still on and I don't think any of us are interested in spending money on extraneous stuff.

Let's be realistic, people: in the city $20,000 is a "budget" wedding even though the number looks enormous to me who's barely making much more than that in a year right now.  A year ago $20,000 seemed outrageous.  In some ways it still is.  But it's not much to work with if you want to have even a small wedding (and in New Orleans, 100 people is small).  Just suck it up and accept it.  And yes, I have to have at least 100 people because we have that much close family and good friends and I couldn't live with the guilt of not inviting some of them.  It's all or nothing.  I am thankful that I get a wedding under the circumstances.  But after all the research I did, I am no longer under the illusion that I can make a wedding happen for less.  Some people can, maybe, but that's not me.  It sucks but it's reality.

On a side note, I think that this weekend was the first time that I actually felt engaged for real.  Not just playing but really engaged with a wedding at the end.

Folks, I think we have a wedding (I think)

It would appear that my father has tipped the wedding scales.

Wait.  Let me go back.

Remember back in October when my mother was telling me to call a certain wedding venue?  And I put it off.  I almost deleted the lady's number from my phone but I didn't.  And my mother persisted that we should call the place and go look at it.  With our self-imposed wedding deadline of Fall 2011, I started to cave in to the pressure if only to appease my mother and prove that this venue was going to be out of the (questionable) budget.  And since Madre was in town this weekend to help Padre move into his new apartment, I scheduled a look-see yesterday afternoon with the family.

It's fucking gorgeous.  French-Quartery without being obscenely opulent.  A beautiful courtyard centered around a giant old magnolia tree and a great upstairs space overlooking Royal Street.  I immediately know that we cannot afford this.  I smile and nod and I start to freak out on the inside because I really don't want to go through this shit again.  I cannot handle another wedding let down.  Just let me accept my frugal lifestyle and walk my ass to the courthouse without getting my hopes up.  I managed not to cry and start screaming at anyone (lately, that is a real accomplishment).

Meanwhile, my mother is talking about how perfect it is and my father is doing this thing that he does when his mind is made up but he doesn't want to show his hand.  He just chills.  After last year's budget meltdowns, my father keeps shrugging non-committally and talking about how all we really need to do now is set a date.  The venue's coordinator and my mother are discussing how to decorate the fireplace mantels and where to put the band and all I can think about is who the fuck is paying for this imaginary shindig and where the hell is my stiff drink?  If I'd known they were so set on this place I would've put myself out of my misery months ago.

We walk out of this place like it's a done deal.  We go back to Padre's apartment and I have three vodka tonics for lunch while we start crunching numbers around the patio table and my parents appear to commit to a wedding that is at least twice as much as my mother even wanted to contemplate a year ago.  To paraphrase my father: Let's just get this thing done.  But I knew the deal was sealed when my father said to me privately that I should not worry too much about Madre's number crunching.

That's what we were waiting for: Dad.  I suspected that his word would be the final word, that he wanted a New Orleans wedding, that he would step in when he liked something enough to say so and make it happen.  But then he didn't.  After all the drama of the Aborted Wedding Plans, Padre never intervened so I thought then that it was over.  That was it.  But yesterday he made clear that he wants this wedding at this place and let's just stop stressing out about it already.  Just do it.

It took a fucking year of being engaged and I don't know what changed between then and now, but my parents seem to have come around to the truth that I accepted months ago: if you want a wedding in New Orleans you've got to be willing to shell out at least $20,000 or else you might as well elope and save yourself the stress.  I'd accepted that I couldn't make that happen (okay...maybe I was still in mourning) but the 'rents must've been working some background negotiations that I was not party to (they do that - they're private folks even with me).  Because now we're booking a venue.

All this is to say: THIS WEDDING IS ON.

Finally.