Wednesday, July 14, 2010

anti and un ?

I'm sorry, internets, but I completely fail to see what is so un-bridey about The Unbride.  I guess I really wanted it to be all in-your-face, alterna-wedding realist about weddings.  Instead, I see the same perfectly styled, "indie" wedding pretty-faced self-indulgentness that I've come to expect.  Which isn't to say that I won't scour the site for ideas and burn with wedding jealousy over the featured so-called unbrides.

In my mind, if you are truly the unbride type then you don't give a crap about inspiration boards, so why would I submit one to "become and unbride"?

Like I said, I will admit that I like scouring fancy wedding blogs and sites for ideas that I will probably never have the cash or will to execute and The Unbride is no exception.  But when I went googling some for some anti-wedding industry comfort in the early stages of our engagement, let's just say that the title is misleading.  Even Anti-Bride falls short for me.  My idea of anti-bride is someone who tells the WIC to fuck off and gets married in her blue jeans, maybe goes out for a drink or just gets on with her damn life.  Anti-bride or unbride may not even be a matter of choice but just of circumstance.

You know what strikes me as anti-bride or unbride?  I think my mom was a pretty good example.  She got married in an orange dress because it was the only thing she owned that fit when she was five months pregnant with me.  She had some flowers sent from her own mother stateside that matched the dress.  She and Padre got married by a judge in (from what I gather from pictures) his office with a friend present as witness.  No family, no wedding shower, no big family get-together, no party, no bridesmaids or groomsman - just a civil ceremony.  Married and done.  If I remember correctly, Madre said that they went to McDonalds for dinner afterward.  Would she have had a wedding if she could have?  Probably, but at the time they were overseas from home and broke and not getting much support from the home front.  They wanted to get married so they did it.

So even though my mother would really like me to have a nice wedding, she doesn't really see why we have to spend a ton of cash and she won't be upset if we just elope tomorrow (okay, maybe she'd like a little notice so she can drive to town in time).  The point is to get married, not to impress anybody.  It doesn't even have to be some deep expression of your individual personalities and growing love.  It can just be some vows to stick together and that's okay.  And that kind of attitude about weddings (and a lot of other things) rubbed off on me.  (Which is why I'm really surprised that there's so much no-ring drama from this side of the aisle, but that's another day.)

While H's family has a history of traditional church weddings with nice receptions in nice hotels (or whatever).  I think there is somewhat more importance placed on the party, of the parents being good hosts and making it worth everyone's trouble to be there.  Money should not be an object (though my future FiL loves to haggle and get a good deal).  A wedding is largely about the bride and inviting all your family and friends and business partners.

I'm probably over-simplifying, but I just wanted to illustrate the difference between our two families' expectations about how this wedding planning will go down.  And I'm in the camp in the middle: I like pretty weddings and I want to have a great wedding with everyone there and have them think my wedding is great, but I can also think of a lot of other things that $10,000 (or more) can be used for in our lives.  The thing is, all the husbands started teasing H about "what he's in for" on the wedding planning path and all the wives started volunteering their wedding planning expertise to me.  We've got a couple friends who just got hitched without the fuss and loved it, and we've got some who wished they'd had a wedding.  Even a couple friends who said they wished they'd skipped the big wedding and just eloped.

So I'm torn between being a bride or the anti-bride.  Do I shut up about the money and the stress and do my bridal right-of-passage?  Or do I just grab my dress and my fiance and get a damn marriage license at the courthouse down the street and be done without the fuss?  We could even go find someplace fancier than McDonalds to eat for dinner.  Am I going to be the girl who regrets having a wedding or not having a wedding?

Of course, occasionally the thought crosses my mind that maybe I'm just not ready for this right now and maybe I should just shut up.

1 comment:

  1. How about you be the girl who thinks about it a lot and talks about it a lot with her fiance and family and friends and decides what is right for her, and then does it with no regrets? Sounds like you're already on your way! Great post.