Thursday, July 1, 2010

Ring Hype

I'm not big on jewelry even though I'm pretty traditional in my expectations. But seriously, what is up with the engagement ring obsession? Why does it have to be gaudy and sparkly and big enough to gauge an eye out? Why do you have to have one anyway?

When H proposed, I was not thinking about jewelry. But it was one of the first things that everyone brought up. EVERYONE. Where is it? Can I see it? And a change in tone and expression with the realization that there was no ring to fawn over. And there had to be an excuse - assure people that the ring was coming. Well, that's okay then. As if I might somehow be less engaged without a sparkly thing on my finger.

Like I said, I'm almost just as traditional as the next girl in that I was kinda hoping that I'd have something to squee over but I certainly wasn't going to raise a big stink over it if none ever materialized. The very idea of ring shopping really just made me nervous because then I'd know - I'd know what a chunk of cash H spent (or didn't) and I did not want to know.

We went to one jewelry store in the weeks after the engagement. I got funny looks when I insisted that I did not want a big sparkly, elaborate ring. Just a stone please. Nothing fancy. They still found the highest-end rock they could possibly sell us. I had a ring on my finger. It was shiny and I got all girly and squidgy inside and suddenly I wanted something ridiculous that I'd never really wanted before.

How stupid.

The feeling wore off. We never talked about ring shopping again. I accepted that the money would be better spent on something useful and an engagement ring was not a necessary item and I moved on with my life.

I wish that was the end. But now the ring (or lack thereof) is ammunition. It's proof that H doesn't love me enough to sacrifice for me. To some anyway. To which I have to say: Seriously WTF?! I've had to defend him against this craziness.

Am I honestly expected to believe that shit?

I do, occasionally, get caught up in the wedding website frenzy of pretties and pine for a simple vintage number or maybe a lab diamond. Because I think spending several thousand dollars on a little ring is a little ridiculous when you've got pricey house repairs and a potentially expensive wedding coming up.

But does no ring mean it's not a real engagement? For real?

If I decide to tattoo my wedding band on my finger instead of buying a physical band, will my marriage be less valid?

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